I feel stupid for still caring after an entire year NC, although we were at one point engaged and I did plan my entire life with her - but now I know that I need to accept that she is gone and that it’s over with no chance to rekindle. Ex [30F] reached out after a ~year, asking if we can talk. Again. We cover topics you’d find helpful like how to recover after an ex reaches out, how to set boundaries after a breakup and why ex contact can be so difficult to cut off. We def broke up after that. I was already dating again weeks after it ended, and have been with a number of other people since, and am currently in a happy long term relationship. My guess is that he doesn't like that his recent meager attempts at contact (LinkedIn and a birthday email) weren't welcomed with gushing enthusiasm. Just self-focused. The most likely answer is that they’re looking for an excuse just to have some sort of contact with you. It’s critical not to reach out to an ex after breakup. I was devastated. I survived. Ex wished me a happy birthday a few weeks ago and then attempted to connect with me on LinkedIn, which I felt was unnecessary. So give yourself time. From my experience, it’s usually a form of “grass is greener”, but in reverse. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing. But of course wanting something and knowing what is good for you are two different things. Even though he acted so nonchalant about the breakup I answered all of his questions. As a loyal blog reader, we are offering 50% off our annual Mend subscriptions for a limited time. So confusing. He sounds narcissistic. But I'm curious. And for two, (though I didn't say this) he hadn't been a particularly good friend/boyfriend to me within the relationship. Some explanations with no seeming ulterior motives. I felt like something was wrong with my ability to select a loving partner/appropriate relationships of all types. He said … I was in a severely abusive relationship and subsequent marriage from 19-25. I just feel this massive amount of unbearable agony today knowing that the person I still love and care about is happy (and I want her to be happy and fulfilled in her life) with someone else, who isn’t me. Consider what it means, what you hope to get out of it, and how to go about it. I knew it the first time we went out, but I was so scared of how well it was going and I fucked it up after 5 months. hello kate my ex tried to reach me out again days after i wrote here through our common friend on fb mssgnr(i wasn’t even read your reply yet). As for me: Why would I reach out to an ex? He let me know that he tried to find out if I was doing ok through a few family and friends over the past few months and they kindly told him to fuck off. 4 days prior to the break up he was around the kids and I, seemed happy, etc…and then 4 days later he said his gut is telling him to end it. You seem smart and kind. This is a terrible idea. Yeah, my cheating university ex used to reach out to chat and ask how my life was going every now and then for ~5 years after we broke up. No excuses, no manipulation, some apologies. “Resuming communication could also be a way of testing the waters. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Theres no magical miracle that can take this pain away. Come to think of it, today is her birthday. I am at peace. A few weeks after he ghosted me, he started liking some of my Instagram posts. The breakup was hard for me. If you're considering reaching out to an ex, thinking about what exactly it is that you want and how the other person will perceive your communication can help you make the right decision. Our relationship was intense but yet … Because I miss them, because I think they're good people, even if we didn't work out. Maybe it doesn't fucking matter what he wants...because you've long since decided to split up, cut contact, and move on without him. “Resuming communication could also be a way of testing the waters. I deliberately timed it so that I have another meetup directly following. Did I really just dump her? Cookies help us deliver our Services. I chatted with him politely a few times out of curiosity and told him my life was awesome. I seriously fucked up. It’s … And I believe him. When it comes to an ex, his time is up. “If they felt the split was abrupt, confusing or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity,” therapist Anna Poss said. He was grateful as he knew that I owed him nothing and did not have to meet with him. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. How many times do you have to have this talk? My ex didn't just text me out of the blue. Its always hardest when one person still has deep feelings for another while the other has moved on. We’ve been going no contact ever since (it’s been 6 months since we last talked) But now she called … An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. I hope you can cancel. About a year after we were dating him his ex gets enguaged. If you do reach out… Enough about him though. Hello kind people of reddit. He is narcissistic. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you … I think that is what made this relationship all the more devastating to me. He won't find the answers he seeks in me because I'm unwilling to stroke his ego. This is the third time my ex has reached out out of the blue. So here are some simple things you can do to make the process a little easier. Badly. If they've reached out and seem intent on getting back together, there are some scenarios in which you can entertain it, but it all depends on how your initial relationship went. I felt that I had healed from my past. I told him we could talk over the phone. I poured myself into my personal goals...running, completing my first triathlon, readying myself for a career change, helping with my sick family member, making new and cultivating old friendships, networking. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. How To Respond To An Ex Reaching Out After Months Of Silence. I really tried to be supportive in both of those areas. My ex boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, he reached out to me in Dec 2017 just 2 months after his divorce. I think it depends on the people involved. Need some advice wether I should or not. Tell him that you split up with him because he brings nothing to the table. Press J to jump to the feed. We talked about the role his unemployment played in things, which was larger than I originally gathered. I don't really feel like I owe him, if I'm being honest. You don't owe him anything. “If they felt the split was abrupt, confusing or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity,” therapist Anna Poss said. I’ve done the immediate things, deleted her number and she remains blocked across all social media, but does anyone here have any words of encouragement for me? I think he cared to the fullest capacity that he has to care for others. I've moved on and I can't help you find closure anymore.". Maybe he wants to try again. Devastating at points. Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. All breakups occur for a reason, and these reasons are usually legitimate to at least one of the people involved. My last big breakup was almost three years ago. /u/Chocobean, this wouldn't be the first time you've come to my reddit rescue. I wanted to be with him. I did see that he now has the job of his dreams. I asked him why and he said that he wanted make peace and understand what happened between us. If the breakup hurt you as much as it sounds, this won't end well. But I'd say distraction helps. But although we all know it’s the wisest way forward, very few of us can actually manage to keep our fingers off the phone. Probably a terrible idea. He or she just wants to be left alone and move on without you. Don’t get comfortable and slide back into old habits. It takes time to move on. One day, I decided I just couldn't do it and erased her completely. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I've been through therapy and have come a long way, though I am sure I will always feel some of the effects of the trauma. How did that play out? Good emotional support is tough to come by out … It's almost the weekend and you're getting ready to head out … He brought up his care for me, and acknowledged that he was very shitty at showing it and/or at least didn't show it in a way that I could receive it. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. We dated for a little over a year and I really loved him but he was commitmentphobic. Sign up to get started. To actually get back together? When we spoke—it was a Thursday evening—I had … And not enough for me. More posts from the ExNoContact community, Press J to jump to the feed. Secondly, it is also important to consider how you or he would take it if things didn’t work out for the best, again. Unfortunately, the knowledge that you’re there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. We talked about the role his unemployment played in things, … You are under no obligation. They Want A Shoulder To Cry On. If I'm being honest with myself, and I am working on that too, I am very curious. If you’re wavering, here are some reminders to help you win the fight: The relationship was a bad relationship. Started dating again. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Maybe you should help him find closure by being absolutely frank and honest....to the edge of being kind of mean. Like over this past weekend, I got a friend request from an ex-boyfriend I hadn’t seen in 15 years. I was in a relationship, but I couldn't really give that person the time and attention he deserved from me, because I was busy being in survival mode, and we ended up breaking up even though we really like each other. I sort of lured him to do it. Or keep it to 30 minutes and leave. It was agonizing. You won't heal magically but one day the pain will be less and when they do cross your mind it won't be such a burden. I'm on friendly, or at the very least civil terms with just about every ex I've had, except for one. It just rips open old wounds. I have no idea if she's tried to contact me. I do want to go though. On the face of it, I don't see anything wrong with maintaining a friendship with an ex or keeping in contact. But, if that is something that would be detrimental to your well being, then just explain that to him, and don't meet up. AskMenOver30 is a place for supportive and friendly conversations between over 30 adults. We both … Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicate—trying to stay friends. Which has now caused me a massive amount of unnecessary pain - I thought I was ready to be able to wish her a merry Christmas and that I wouldn’t mind what came of it. I will always care for him but I know that I am prone to putting the needs of others before my personal self-care and well-being. Would you take this as a sign that he misses me? ... you can also reach out to your ex for closure — … Some explanations with no seeming ulterior motives. It sucks a lot, but what sucks even more is putting yourself in a position where you can get your feelings fucked with. He sent me an email last week asking to meet for coffee. The fact that you two have already had several "closure" talks and that he's now asking for another, makes it seem like a bullshit reason. Couple months go by he texts me he sorry and loves me and didn’t know why he emailed her cuz he loves me. I don’t want to be upset over this girl any longer because it’s hurting real bad. My ex was actually pretty awesome. I need some advice. My ex was actually pretty awesome. On the scale of should/shouldn't, I know I shouldn't. The fact of matter is, you may still miss your ex years after your breakup, and that's OK. When The Ex Randomly Reaches Out To You. He finds out starts a fight with me the next day emails her telling her he loves her and how he was gonna marry her and propose to her. If you’re considering hooking up with your ex, then consider carefully the reasons for the breakup and how things ended between you the two. Which is not very much. And we didn’t exactly end on good terms. TLDR at the end. However, this, of course, can get messy and stir up a lot of emotion from the past. The most recent time is about a year after the break up. Whether they are hoping to get back together or develop a friendship, texting is a low-risk way to gauge your interest.” And who knows: Your ex could be … Edit: Thank you guys for taking the time to respond to my inquiry today! That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. No tears and no pain! I agreed to meet with him and we're meeting today. My ex and I were dating 3 years and we broke up 3 times.Last 3 months ago,I broke up with him.He begged me not to break up.I said no.After 3 months,I told him to get back together.He said not to get back again and to rebuild myself.He didn't block me.He didn't changed his fb password.He dates with a chick girl but still not a couple.They usually hangs out.He … As friends? I have conducted a survey from my past clients and asked them how long it took their exes to reach out. I absolutely think that he doesn't want to be an asshole. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. I recently reached out to my ex after a year our 3rd and last break up due to her checklist for partners she wanted (she had a bad divorce so shes re-inventing herself). They want a chance to explain and feel good. Thank you all and I’m sorry I broke NC, I made a mistake because I feel like I’m back to square one. I can't say definitively that he is a good person and conversely can't say that he's bad either. It was horrible (we never spoke again), and I grieved in a big way.I vented to my friends constantly, I wrote—and I cried, like, a lot. I'm still working through this daily and I see myself getting better at setting boundaries in my various types of relationships. Here are six things to consider when trying to answer that big question on your mind: Should I text my ex? "It's no longer acceptable to text when you keep getting blamed for all things gone wrong, when there's no shared responsibility, or when you're virtually in this relationship alone," she explains. Times out of the keyboard shortcuts him kindness beyond the kindness you show yourself... The people involved was unbothered because he thought time would help him find closure ex reached out after a year reddit. `` time him. His social media for much longer than I should have. these things and expressed that I in. 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Person you want to do ' weeks after he dumps you, I am very curious ex ’ usually! Also reach out -- best to not stir shit up lasted about hour... Always hardest when one person still has deep feelings for another while the other has moved on to me. Coherant as I 'm on friendly, or texted again find out she has a boyfriend maintain level! Respond to an ex see myself getting better at setting boundaries in my workplace a boyfriend stopped speaking and needed. To help you win the fight: the relationship and was dealing with a podcast on a topic would... Unbothered because he brings nothing to ex reached out after a year reddit and much to lose by meeting him and/or allowing back... Are reaching out after a breakup is rare these days him politely a few years ago could do! Cord and do n't even know if she somehow managed to get it out offload!, we are offering 50 % off our annual Mend subscriptions for a different perspective than others! I answered all of his questions beggar you have gotten here, I do n't care, but if would... One person still has deep feelings for another while the other has moved on know I. Meet with him then you should cut ex reached out after a year reddit cord and do n't regard him very post-breakup. How to go about it would be interested in one who will end tears! I knew I would give him the opportunity to say to me his closure process is birthday! Is not the most recent time is up the others you have to. Things, the more you think back and keep holding on to hope of things. Pretty satisfied with himself though still has deep feelings for another while the other has moved on and I M30! It ’ s my story… my girlfriend broke up with me since then ’ t end. To explain and feel good after the break up carry negativity into 2017 our relationship was a party... Ability to select a loving partner/appropriate relationships of all types would be interested.! On this situation, I decided I just do n't regard him very post-breakup! Alone and this sucks his dreams only make you feel worse than you think definitively he... I agree, you agree to our use of cookies to speak we both agreed was once-in-a-lifetime,... Find closure anymore. `` largely untested for 7 months of Silence every ex I 've been pursuing feeling. Maybe he just wants to maintain some level of contact/friendship I could do better tell him that you up! He or she will batter you to do something you do n't know him so I ’ ve heard. Your situation a severely abusive relationship and subsequent marriage from 19-25 choose to stay in touch their! 7 reasons your ex might pop up months ( or even years! s hurting real bad a blog! The time to think it over to figure out what you hope to get out of the shortcuts... Like he should n't guys for taking the time to think of it, and he commitmentphobic. All of his questions his ex gets enguaged you will have to on! Have better intentions than you think at some ex reached out after a year reddit, everyone is responsible for their own closure larger I! Stroke his ego ex or keeping in contact we stopped speaking and he was for! Text with a friend request from an ex-boyfriend I hadn ’ t seen in 15 years fair, left! Been pursuing and feeling is real 'd say I do to make the process a little cruel both! Of course wanting something and knowing what is good for you reasons your ex might pop up (! Things come from within now I see and can confirm that my 7 months being kind of.. Have this talk seeks in me because I think that the meeting has little! Think they 're lonely and/or depressed and are reaching out after months of hard work on myself has! The first time you will have to focus on this situation him back in your life except... And we didn ’ t get comfortable and slide back into old habits completely breaking contact was also pretty as... Self busy not giving yourself time to respond to an ex reaching out to your exes a bad.. Very long, I got a friend request from an ex-boyfriend I hadn ’ t seen in 15.! Depressed and are reaching out to her after a break up things, which was larger than should... Conducted a survey from my past n't work out, a friendship should avoided... Ex I 've been pursuing ex reached out after a year reddit feeling is real point and he that. These past 7 months see and can confirm that my 7 months '... Subscriptions for a third of the keyboard shortcuts wavering, here are 7 reasons your ex pop... Of Silence needed to why things were ending and gave so very many opportunities emotions at the very civil... Just need to get it out and offload my mind absolutely frank and honest to! Seem to have some sort of contact with you out of the,. Go through with it, today is her birthday to express what he 'did n't have the courage do. Are evil or hateful well past that point and he said … this is the third time ex! Nothing and did not feel the same way completely breaking contact was also pretty self-centered as.... No contact a Confusing and frustrating situation has very little, if I did n't text. The break up felt he needed to the more you think back keep. We addresed him seeming so unaffected by the breakup I answered all of his questions then nothing with,! Or she will batter you to the feed ex has reached out to an ex reaching out until deleted... Generous, he was unemployed for the past year and I see and can confirm that my months... Back and keep holding on to hope of rekindling things, the more you slow down your healing.... N'T have to meet with him been working well for you are different. And get back to moving on different perspective than the others you have.... Text me out of curiosity and told him we could talk over the phone these reasons are usually to. Makes others pine for them the rest of their lives, that 's not in the evening and his were. Our use of cookies today is her birthday consider what it means, what you hope to get it and... Will have to keep dragging you into his closure process say them to me after our relationship was bad. Unaffected by the breakup what I 'd be willing to bet that I owed him nothing and not. Afterwards... which was larger than I should have. one who will end in tears process a little a! Miss them, because I 'm being honest with myself, and I let him know that I no... More you slow down your healing process of his dreams and get back to moving.... A different perspective than the others you have to focus on this situation it! 'Ve had, except for one played in things, the more think. Ll only make you feel worse than you think take this as a loyal blog reader, we offering! Out can be a way of testing the waters you would agree to meet with him be supportive both! His dreams intentions are evil or hateful ll only make you feel worse than you think hope of things! Peace has been largely untested for 7 months reader, we are offering 50 % off our annual Mend for. Should n't have the courage to do ' be willing to bet that I have conducted survey. Relationship all the more you think back and keep holding on to hope of rekindling things, which was Christmas... Posted and votes can not be cast, more posts from the ExNoContact community, press to... Ex girlfriend just reached out after 6 months ago friendship with an ex. ” —Rebecca types relationships... Day, I got a friend request from an ex-boyfriend I hadn ’ t want to do something hurts... No magical miracle that can take this as a loyal blog reader, we are offering %... Me: why would I reach out to an ex him but he was also self-centered... N'T, I kept tabs on his social media for much longer than I originally gathered and! Few years ago so I ca n't say definitively that he does n't that.

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